Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Two Weddings and a Funeral

Sooo I've seriously neglected this online world.  To be entirely honest, I've been busy but, not busy enough that I didn't have the time to blog.  Summer came and I basically put caring about anything on-hold and did whatever I wanted.

My life is still at a crossroads.  I've had the luxury of being able to do as I please and unfortunately very few of my "activities" had any sort of substance to them.  At the onset of the summer, a great aunt on my mother's side of the family.  She never had children and my mom was like a daughter to her (since her own mother was narcissistic and void of emotion).  My grandmother basically spent her time traveling the world with my grandfather, while my mother sat at home as a child wondering when her "mommy and daddy would be home".  That's a rant for another day.  This woman meant the world to my mom.  She gave my mom her nickname that everyone has called her since she was 6 years old.

In good news, I also attended two weddings.  The first was a high school friend.  The second was the daughter of family friends.  Not particularly close to either of the couples and not entirely sure why I was invited to first one, however, I went to be "polite" as my dad would say.  The second wedding was very sexually charged for me and unfortunately the dude I spent a lot of time with that weekend was......get ready for it......myself.  I know, a huge let down, right?

At this particular event their were a number of bros that fit my type and a few that definitely did not.  One of the bride's cousins was smiling at me throughout the night, and not just a friendly smile, I got the distinct impression that he was checking me out.  He was slightly taller than myself.  Blond hair.  A full, but not unkempt beard, close to the face.  Just plain sexy.  Neither of us made a move though.  I really want to get over this shyness and lack of confidence.  These pitfalls of mine are not present to the outside world and I have been told multiple times that I "project a natural confidence".  HA.  Riiight.  Although I will say confidence levels have def gone way up in the past few months.  Moving the end of the night nearly everyone that was left stripped down, jumped into the quarry bare-assed and drunk.  Saw the groom's ass and enjoyed every minute of him being two feet away from my face.  Think he could also be into dudes.  Apparently he and the bride have had a "rocky" relationship and he went missing during the reception only to be found drunk with a dude or two.  Nothing more was said.

More good news, I am making great strides with my health/fitness goals.  My nutrition is on-point and I've gotta say I really enjoy eating and living healthy again:

- I eat a lot of veggies, salads, lean white meat and fish.
- I drink juiced greens and fruit every day; kale, spinach, parsley, celery, green apple, lemon, ginger,       and pineapple.
- One 16oz bottle of water for every hour I am away (usually 12-15).
- I work out with my trainers five days a week and do cardio (usually running) three to five days a week, three to five miles each time.
- Priority was to get lean with 8% body fat.  Single digits were important to me for no particular reason other than to challenge myself.  Ended up surpassing that goal and brought my BF down to 7.48%!!  Super pleased with that number.
- Focusing on building up strength/muscle.
- Still want to know my way around a field better and I will be focusing on working through what gives me the on-field anxiety that caused me to leave team sports behind when I was younger.

I keep this routine for five days out of the week, my weekend consists of active resting.  On the weekends I allow myself more red meat and pretty much whatever I want without going overboard.

Other than the above, my summer has been fairly uneventful;  relaxed on the beach,  had a few other family events, worked in the family business quite a bit, and spent some quality time in Maine with my dad.  One thing of real importance that I did, along with my family, was participate in the Boston Marathon Jimmy Fund Walk.  This was our fourth year walking, second year without my mom.  In general, aside from the walk, everyone says that the first year is the hardest year in getting over the death of a close loved one.  However, I find that the second year is much more difficult.  The first year is spent trying to get through the holidays and significant dates.  The second year life is returning to a normalized state and it really starts to set in that this person is just no longer there.  It is a weird feeling.  Very surreal.  I always look forward to the Jimmy Fund Walk because it reminds me to always be grateful for the basics in life, good health, family, friends, and so much more that many take for granted on an everyday basis.  Here's some pictures from the walk:

Me helping some ladies out, taking a pic of their team.

Hitting the Finish Line

I am, however, still trying to wrap my head around how much life has changed in the past few years.  It's all still so surreal.  I'm trying to shake the feeling.  I'm not really sure where I'm supposed to go and who I am supposed to be from this point on.  I am breaking down barriers that have kept me from living my life in the past but, now that the "present" is right at my feet it doesn't feel quite like I thought it would.  I know what my next steps are going to be, I'm just unsure of how to take the first one.  I suppose I just have to take it and have faith.  Here are a few shots from Maine:

A stop in Boothbay Harbor

Lunch at The Lobster Shack in Cape Elizabeth

Also, some of you may have already seen this but I wanted to post anyway....The song is called "All American Boy" by Steve Grand, an openly gay singer/songwriter 

Alright, thats all for now dudes.  I want to be posting more, so bear with me!


Wednesday, June 26, 2013


Thought I would take a moment to recognize this landmark in US history.  Today the Supreme Court declared DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) unconstitutional.  This is a huge step in the right direction and hopefully someday soon we will see same-sex marriage federally recognized for all of the United States.

Take it easy guys and God Bless.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Rant on Gay Myths...

This is really only about one myth or theory; that a gay son does not get along well with his father and has a closer relationship with his mother.  And if one gets deeper into this theory they will find so-called "evidence" that it is because of the lack of father/son bonding that the son is gay. I've always found this interesting and most definitely false, at least pertaining to my life and the relationships I had with both of my parents growing up.  When I was a kid I was always closer to my dad and to this day that is still very true.  All throughout my early teens, high school, and into college I had a much closer bond with my dad.

It's not that I didn't have a good relationship with my mom, we just didn't see eye to eye on many things and I had anger issues that she couldn't handle.  Our mother/gay-son relationship definitely wasn't what our modern-day culture has made it up to be in movies, books, and articles. Things were great when my sister and I were kids but then as we moved through early adolescence my sister became very close to our mother and I became increasingly distant.  Since birth I've been close with my father.  He always tells the story of how he was the only one who could get me to fall asleep as a baby.  As a kid my dad and I did many things together; going to the beach, practicing for little league and soccer, hiking, going for drives at Christmastime to look at the lights, etc...  there are so many more but those are honestly my best and favorite times with my dad.

Most importantly, he has taught me how to be the man that I am becoming and to be the kind of human being that we should all strive to be; accepting, kind, respectful, honest, trustworthy, dedicated, loyal, you get the point.  Basically just to be a good person, treat others well, and make the most of the time we've got here on earth.  I'm not claiming to be the perfect example of any of these qualities.  I try to be.  My dad, however, is pretty damn close to having it down pat.

I take issue with stereotyping or generalizing.  Mainly because no one (or at least very few) fit into the nice little square boxes our society has built for us.  There are straight men that are momma's boys and there a gay men that are their father's son.  Are there situations where a father and son don't get along because the son is gay?  I'm sure there are many....I am just sick of hearing all these "reasons" that might contribute to what makes a person homosexual.  How this is a big one....wait for it.....WE JUST ARE!  Just like our heterosexual brothers and sisters are they way they are, so to are we.  Now everyone may not share this opinion but, to me, it makes sense.  All of this goes far beyond this one topic; it moves into the interests we have as men and women and what they say about our masculinity and femininity.  I have known masculine men that have interests that would be labeled as 'gay' or 'feminine' and feminine women that have interests that are known to be typically 'masculine' but, that is post for another day.

For now, what do you dudes think?  How are your relationships with your dads?  Thoughts on stereotyping and generalizing?

PS.  If anyone who reads this blog happened to catch Boston VS Toronto on Monday night, please feel free to comment on the radtacular awesomness of the final minutes of the third period of Game 7.  Boston Strong.

Monday, April 29, 2013

The Big Four's First

Today a milestone in major league sports occurred;  active NBA player Jason Collins came out as gay.  Read the article, it's pretty inspiring.  Proud he played for my city, even if his time here was short.

Reading his words reminds me of how much stronger I am today than I was a year ago.  That even though I haven't come out to anyone new, I get closer and closer each day.  I wish Jason the best in both his professional life and personal life.  Looking forward to seeing what's in store for his future!

Here's the background on how he decided come out.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

117th Boston Marathon

Hey dudes,

I just want to take a minute to acknowledge what took place at the 117th running of Boston Marathon.  This has always been my city and I am incredibly proud of the awesome people that inhabit this equally awesome place.  We're Bostonians and we stick together.  We're loyal to one another, we stand strong and support each other through thick and thin.  We are an incredibly unique city in the sense that we are more of a tight-knit community.  This is a small city but, also a significant one.  We come from all walks of life and together we create the diversity that makes Boston so fucking great.  I had many members of my family there -- cheering on one of my cousins running the race in memory of her deceased mom.  Luckily all of them are safe and unharmed.  Pray for my city dudes, for all those that were affected by this horrific act of violence.


Thursday, March 14, 2013

Jason + Tony

Jason + Tony // The Plaza Hotel wedding, NYC from Jon Armendariz |NewYorkFilmworks on Vimeo.

I stumbled upon this video the other night and meant to share it here but fell asleep.  Then I read No Hetero's post on marriage and remembered.  It's a wedding video of a couple in NYC.  The kids (especially the son), really make this video imo;  they're so happy that their family is whole.  Having come from a family in the wedding industry, I am proud to say that my parent's company has worked with same-sex couples for years, and even before my coming out, always supported gay marriage.

I was blown away by this video.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

'The Power List' and Others Who Have Made A Difference

eyo dudes, how's it going?

"The Power List" gives us the most influential gay men and women according to, a site I came across while researching powerful gay men and women in the world.  Here's my top list taken from the original; individuals I have great respect for based on who they are as a person, their brilliance in the world of business, and/or the impact they have made.

Also, I've included a few guys that, while not on "The Power List",  have made a huge difference, in my opinion, for a lot of those coming to terms with their own sexuality.

Peter Thiel


Venture Capitalist/Hedge Fund Manager, 44

It took a gay, libertarian entrepreneur to realize the nascent power of Facebook in 2004, when the PayPal cofounder became the social network’s first major investor, with a $500,000 loan that enabled Mark Zuckerberg to realize world domination. That stake is now worth $2.13 billion, allowing Thiel to pursue loftier projects, including research into life extension and his incentive scheme for would-be entrepreneurs under the age of 20: $100,000 to drop out of college and launch their own businesses.

Tim Cook


CEO, Apple, 51
Last year, Cook was still the man-in-waiting, assuming control of Apple, but still in the shadow of Steve Jobs. More of a manager than an oracle, Cook is now fully in charge of the world’s most valuable company -- it surpassed ExxonMobil in 2012 -- which means it’s his show to run.

Anderson Cooper


Journalist/News Anchor/Talk-Show Host, 44
After stints on 60 Minutes and alongside Kelly Ripa (he was rumored as a possible replacement when Regis Philbin retired), he launched his own talk show, Anderson. Guests haven’t brought in the ratings, although the show was picked up for a second season. He continues to do his respectedAnderson Cooper 360° on CNN and remains a silver-haired heartthrob to countless Middle-American housewives.

Dan Savage


Editor/Activist/TV Personality, 47
Savage parlayed his raunchy wit in his syndicated newspaper column to become the most popular sex expert in the country. Yes, he’s our very own gay Dr. Ruth. With “Savage Lovecast” and a new MTV show, Savage U, his brand continues to grow. Savage, who cofounded the It Gets Better Campaign to stop teen bullying, also appears as a spokesperson on many news segments.

Chuck Wolfe


CEO, The Victory Fund, 50
In a year that saw Victory Fund–endorsed Alex Morse, America’s youngest gay mayor, in office in Holyoke, Mass., Wolfe’s organization continued to serve an integral role in getting more LGBT officials elected to office. And, with seven openly gay politicians running for Congress this November -- including Tammy Baldwin -- 2012 is shaping up to be a pivotal year for Wolfe.

Not Included on "The Power List":

Gareth Thomas - Gay

Retired Professional Rugby Player, 38
Came out in 2009, becoming the first openly gay player in the union.  Stating: "I don't want to be known as a gay rugby player.  I am a rugby player, first and foremost, I am a man."

Frank Ocean - Bisexual

Singer/Song Writer/Producer, 25
Came out in 2012.  Read his coming out letter.

Matt Bomer - Gay

Actor, 35
Came out in 2012 by publicly thanking his husband and children, saying:  "I'd really especially like to thanks my beautiful family:  Simon, Kit, Walker, Henry.  Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is.  You will always be my proudest accomplishment."

A video of Simon Halls and Matt Bomer accepting 2012 GLSEN Inspiration Award:

Randy Phillips - Gay

Airman of United States Air Force, 23
Came out in September of 2011 after the repeal of DADT.  
The video of his coming out to his father went viral and made a big impact, giving a lot of young guys hope. "I called my dad to tell him the hardest thing that gay guys will ever have to say."
His videos not only helped me, but also countless others struggling.  I saw this right around when I came out to my own dad and re-watched it countless times.
Randy Phillips Coming Out to this Dad:

Let me know what you guys think.  If there are any people who have made a difference that you want me to know about, feel free to share!  

Friday, February 1, 2013

Power Lines / First World Problems


We've had some strong winds here for the past few days and have been left without cable and Internet connection.  Since the house is set back in the woods, we have what are considered private telephone poles that hold power lines to my house.  Two of them fell because of the wind and cut off the cable and Internet.  We were told by the town that they are suppose to shut down our lines and cut us off from electricity but out of curtosy, they said they won't and for us to just keep away from the lines.  We now have to have the lines replaced and my dad is planning to have underground wiring done to avoid this in the future....all well and good but, we won't have cable and Internet for a week!  I know I sound lame for complaining about this but I just needed to vent....

Anyways, if I don't get back to any emails or I'm not on chat for the week, there's the reason.  And I dont want to risk being on the blog or email anywhere else....wrote this post on my cell and it was kind of a pain in the ass haha

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Deep in the Closet and needs to learn English, IMHO

What's up dudes?

For all of you who follow sports (to any degree), specifically football,  I am sure you have heard about the recent anti-gay comments made by the 49ers Chris Culliver.  If you have not, here's the link to one of the many articles being written:  49ers' Chris Culliver: Openly gay player not welcome

It sounds to me like this guy is deep in the closet and needs to learn to speak English.  I am ashamed to say that I used to say similar things when I was in the closet and so do many other gay men who have not or cannot accept this part of themselves.  I am not meaning to sound like one of those gay guys who thinks anyone who is homophobic is automatically gay but, I just don't understand why else he would have so much hate towards gay men.  Unless he was possibly abused by a man, not necessarily a gay man, as a child.  That could at least be an explanation for his hate and discrimination (yes I watch Law & Order SVU).  What does everyone here think of his comments and the reasoning behind them?

As the article reads, it is crazy to me that the 49ers were the first NFL team to join the "It Gets Better" campaign just six months ago and now one of their players is spreading this kind of hate.  It's also clear, in my opinion, that his apology was solely for business purposes.  He found himself in the hot seat and I'm sure the pressure being put on him to do so was enormous.

The 49ers will play the Ravens this Sunday in the Super Bowl.  Brandon Ayanbadejo, linebacker for the Ravens is a very different man from Chris Culliver.  It turns out he is one of our greatest allies and here is an awesome article written about how he grew up and became so accepting of everyone's differences:  Standing Up at an Early Age  this guy sounds like a true champ.

Also, here's another article about former college football captain Brian Sims:  I read this one a while back and looked the dude up, he's a real stand up guy who is doing a lot for LGBT people.  Plus he's pretty hot....

Alright I know that's a lot of reading to do haha but I think it will all be worth your time, it goes beyond sports, showing us how great people can be.  I also think football should be played naked, and here is my reasoning:

Take it easy guys


Monday, January 21, 2013

The Holstee Manifesto

A buddy of mine sent me this video a while back and I meant to throw it in a blog post but forgot.  It is called the LifeCycle video put out by the Holstee Manifesto.

"The LifeCycle Film came about as a desire to bring the energy and passion behind the Manifesto to life through something we love--biking.  As we seek to live mindful lifestyles that leave a positive impact on the people and world around us, biking has become a passion that is much more than a transportation alternative.  It is a way of fully experiencing the city we love and all of its details.

This Film is a celebration.  It is a celebration of gatherings, of diversity, of life, and of the beauty of shared experience.  We hope you enjoy."


I really dig the last line:  "Life is short.  Live your dream and share your passion."  Too often we are all closed off from each other, always hesitating to share with one another what our dreams and/or passions are in fear of being judged.  We live in a society that promotes individuality but will judge unfairly when one expresses who they are.  I am guilty of this.  I grew up in an especially tight-knit and segregated part of the country, in the heart of New England.  I haven't been exposed to a lot of diversity in my life.  Here in [insert name of Small Town], MA USA, we tout how diverse we think our area has become.  But really, its hardly changed.  We only promote diversity if you're white, speak proper English, come from a good family, attend church, go to a good school, etc.  You get the drift.

At this point in my life I want to break away from this town, my extended family, and what few friends I have left here.  There is this expectation that we all grow up here, go away to school, marry, and come back to live and raise our families here for generations.  No-fucking-way dudes.  Not happening.  I need my space,  I need to live my life the way I want to with out my extended family being on back 24/7.  A lot of my cousins are already moving away so they can be who they are/want to be without being criticized.  Hopefully I will soon be doing the same.

Dream:  To create a life for myself that defines the man I am becoming.
- This spring I will be starting my career in real estate.
- To live in Boston, this one could happen today, tomorrow, next week, next month,'s a matter of me having the balls to make the jump.
- Start taking classes in College as I am unsure of whether or not I want to enroll as a part-time or full-time student.
- Make more friends.  I think I'm outgrowing some of my friends and really want to get out there and meet people who are more like-minded.
- Fuck around with another dude.  Really wanna meet other gay guys that I'm attracted to and just make friends and screw around a bit.  Never had any experience with a dude, this is the year.
- I am also thinking of starting a small line of ties that will be made in the USA and will hopefully start selling them through my long time tailor in Cambridge, MA.
- Dating, boyfriends, marriage, kids.  I had a vision the other day.  It was of me after coming home from work, sitting in the kitchen with a kid in my lap and three others around the table, and my husband standing there across from me next to one of the counters.  It was brief but it felt so right, so peaceful and happy.  I couldn't see his face, just his demeanor.  I had a great feeling for the few seconds it lasted and hope it was some kind of foreshadowing.
- More than anything I want a marriage like the one my parents had.  I am not joking when I say I have never seen a couple have so much respect, love, kindness, and loyalty to one another than my parents.  They were best friends and created an awesome life together, my hope is to follow in their footsteps.

Passion: Living how I want to live.
- I can't believe how different my life is from one year ago.  I am at a crossroads right now and it is exciting, nerve-racking, confusing, and everything in between.  The most important thing is that I am in a good place.  I am finding myself and I am going to hit rough patches but I am strong enough to overcome them now.  I can finally say I am at a point where I can start forging my own way in life.

So dudes, what is your dream?  your passion?  You can share or not, but write it down!  Goals, dreams (whatever you want to call them), are more powerful when you put them into writing.

Hope everyone's had a great start to 2013

P.S. I just want to say how super-fucking-pumped I am that the Bruins are playing again!!  The NHL lockout went on waaayy too long and I'm glad the B's are back and won their first two games!

P.P.S.  Ray Lewis, go fuck yourself, you're a bitch.  Sorry Ravens fans but, he is what he is (and we all know what that is).  All that bs drama after the win on Sunday's game against the Pats was for pure show.  Truth.  (excuse the negativity)


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

See ya 2012, I'm looking forward to 2013

Happy New Year!  I wanted to post (even at this late, or should I say early, hour) to let all of my readers know how grateful I am for the support and kind words during all that I have been through over the past year.  It wasn't an easy one and my family and I are happy to leave it behind.  This year is going to be a very different year, in all good ways.  I wish all of you a peaceful, happy, and healthy 2013.

Using snow banks in the backyard to chill the champagne bottles.

For me, 2013 is the year goals are reached and dreams are realized.

Take it easy men.