Friday, September 28, 2012


Hey guys, how's it going?  Hope everyones well!

Today I had my weekly therapy session and realized that this past Saturday, September 22, 2012 marks 1 year since I came out to my dad.  Thats wild to me! I can't believe I've been out for a year.  I never thought I was ever going to come out to anyone. Although its been one hell of a rough year, I can honestly say that I am in a better place today then I was. I am finally beginning to see my life more clearly.  I finally feel like I am starting explore the idea of what it will be like to live my life with another man.  It feels more natural.  This past summer has been a huge transition period for me in so many ways that I can't really pin-point what, but I just feel different.  Good different.

I had my ups and downs but I am definitely gaining more confidence.  Confidence not only in the gay part of myself, but in the whole of who I am.  It feels madd fuckin good.  I wanna give a huge thanks to everyone who supports this blog, followers and those just stopping by to check it out.  Specifically I want to thank the dudes who I have kept in touch with through email - you guys are fuckin awesome and without the support, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Check out this song, I'm sure some of you have heard it, but it pretty much describes how I'm feeling about my life right now.  My taste in music has always surprised my friends and family, but I honestly like all kinds and this song is hands down one of my favorites so enjoy.

Peace dudes.

Friday, September 21, 2012

I like guys who like guys....

UPDATE:  Wrote this when I was prob too tired to post so I did some slight editing.

But what type of guy who likes guys do I like?

eyo my dudes!  So I thought I'd post about the types of guys I'm attracted to....not just guys I find hot but guys that are really my type and qualities I'd like them to have.

Type.  I'm really into guys that are kinda outdoorsy but mainly prep....more relaxed and go-with-the-flow than say, myself (I'm more or less the typical uptight prep/new englander, for lack of a better term) and I'd like for the guy I end up with to balance me out and help me loosen up a bit.  And I'm not just talking about dressing these ways, I'm talking guys who pretty much fit into the whole lifestyle.

Sense of Humor.  I really dig on dudes that have a great sense or humor (I know cliche, but it is what it is).  I have a great sense of humor, real dry and sarcastic and I'd like for the guy I'm with to be able to get it and go along with that.   I hate when people take things too literal or serious and don't take time to have some fun everyday.

Trustworthy.  The one quality I am most proud of in myself is being a damn good friend and a trustworthy one at that.  I've been fucked over in the past by friends, so trust is HUGE with me.  When I say you can trust me, I mean it, if you confide in me you can be damn sure that its not going any further than my ears.  I don't talk shit about my friends, so I except the same from others.  If you're thinking I have trust issues, you'd be correct.  I tend to trust very few and am always questioning people's intentions, no matter how good they may be.  So whoever I am with better be just like me in this regard or its not gonna work.

Good looking.  He's gotta be good looking and have a good body, no question.  I don't care if that makes me shallow, but I've been told that I'm good looking, hot, handsome, cute, etc (you get the point, not trying to brag, really I'm not)  so I expect that I will meet someone like that as well.  After all, I'm not working my ass off four days a week with two personal trainers and getting cardio in nearly every day to end up with a dude who doesn't take care of himself.  I'm really attracted to rugged good looks, facial scruff or beard but the clean cut look is great once in a while, especially if he looks like he's from Sweden (I'm also a sucker for blonds).  I'm really only attracted to white guys, but I'm def open to other ethnicities.  Not trying to sound racist, thats just always where my primary attraction has been.

Dapper Dude.  Any dude I'm with should know how to dress for any occasion.  Whether he needs to be in a dinner jacket (also known as a tuxedo), a sport coat or navy blazer, or just something casual for a cookout.  He needs to know what to where, when.  If he doesn't, I can help him out, even though I hate shopping.  I grew up in a family where there was a lot of pressure to dress properly for different things so its something that I've come to expect out of others.

Intelligent.  This one should speak for itself.  Have some common sense, have some book smarts.  Be able to keep a good conversation going.  But for God's sake don't be boring, that won't fly with me.

Athletic.  Not that I'm a huge athlete, far from it as you know from past posts.  But, I've been getting more into doing the sports oriented things that I've held myself back from in the past and I'd like a guy that I can grow my athleticism with.  I'd like a dude that could teach me a thing or two.  I'd like a dude that I could workout with.  Someone I can watch the Bruins, the Cannons, or the Pats with.  If he happens to be a Polo player then just fucking call it a done deal.  I don't know what it is but NOTHING is sexier to me than a man in Polo uniform swinging a mallet on top of a horse (one of my favorite animals).  A guy I can go hiking, sailing, or kayaking with.  Liking nature and the outdoors is definitely a good quality.

A dude.  I want the guy I'm with to be a regular dude.  A guy who, like myself, you wouldn't expect to be gay.  I think its mad sexy when two bros are together, even if its just walking down the street holding hands.  That's what seems natural to me.  I don't identify with most gay guys (obvious ones) that you see in public, its the ones that blend in with our straight brothers that I can most identify with.  He doesn't have to be some macho meathead, that is a major turnoff for me.  I like a guy that I can just chill with.  A guy I can rough-house and joke around with.  I'm not gonna go into detail on the obvious: deep voice, masc. looks, etc.  That stuff is a given.

Confident.  I've always lacked this.  However, I'm building it up and I've come pretty far from where I was, even just a few months ago.  I know how mentally and emotionally draining a lack of confidence can be so I want the dude I'm with to be a confident one.  That way we can feed off each others strength.

Globetrotter.  I love traveling.  Therefore the guy I'm attracted will hopefully like to travel, to see the world.  But not as a typical tourist, as someone who likes to submerge himself into the culture and get to know some locals.

Good Guy.  Probably the most important.  He has to be a good guy.  Someone who is genuinely nice, can hang out with my friends and family, and get along with everyone in my life.  Treats not only me, but also others with respect.

So there you have it, my list of what I find attractive in other guys, in no particular order.  I know theres no perfect guy out there, but this to me is a pretty reasonable list.

These guys played a couple on a show my mom used to watch.  The one on the left is Scott Evans, he's gay in real life and brother to Chris Evans.  I caught an episode one time and what they had in that show is what I want someday, this pic is an example of that.

Take it easy guys, and hope you enjoyed the post! 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Carry On and Some Nights

Wanted to post a couple songs that I've been listening to as of late.  The first song is Carry On by Fun.  This group is nothing but great and has serious talent.  Lyrics are real inspirational and just get me going, pretty much like all their other songs.  Second song is Some Nights, also by Fun. its just a sick song that always gets me pumped. Anyways dudes, enjoy!

Carry On

Well I woke up to the sound of silence
The cars were cutting like knives in a fist fight
And I found you with a bottle of wine
Your head in the curtains
And heart like the fourth of July

You swore and said
We are not
We are not shining stars
This I know
I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that
I've closed enough windows 
To know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground and,
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends 
In the edge of the night
At a bar off seventy five 
And we talked and talked 
About how our parents will die
All our neighbors and wives

But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets
I am not the ghost you want of me

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone,
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground and,
Carry on

My head is on fire
But my legs are fine
After all they are mine
Lay your clothes down on the floor
Close the door
Hold the phone
Show me how 
No one's ever gonna stop us now

Cause we are 
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we're miles away
So we'll come
We will find our way home

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground and,
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

Some Nights (skip to 2:17 if you don't want the intro, or don't and enjoy the whole piece)

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw

Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure, what I stand for oh oh oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh

This is it, boys, this is war, what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype, 
Save that for the black and white I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, 
But here they come again to jack my style

That's alright, I found a martyr in my bed tonight
Stops my bones from wondering just who I, who I, who I am, oh who am I, mm, mm

Well some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know (come on)

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?
No. When I see stars, when I see stars, that's all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on
Oh, come on, oh, come on, oh come on!

Well that is it, guys, that is all, five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This is not one for the folks at home, I'm sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?
My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called "love"
But when I look into my nephew's eyes,
Man you wouldn't believe, the most amazing things, that can come from,
Some terrible nights, ah (oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh)

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh

The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance, oh
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance, oh