Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Update Time

Hey Everyone!

Alright dudes, I know it's been a looong ass time since I last blogged.  I've had a rough go at it over the past month and half and to be honest, life has been kinda boring with not much to write about.

Over the last 7 weeks I've had some ups and down and the downs were pretty damn bad.  In the beginning/middle of June I started a new medication to help with my depression and anxiety and it just didn't fucking work, in fact I think it helped make things worse.  I am not gonna blame what went on with me entirely on the meds, but I def think it contributed to my downward spiral.  I have dealt with depression and anxiety for a long time and there have been periods where life would get real bad for me or at least it felt that way.  None were as bad as the 3 weeks in June (except for the time right before I came out).  We've had prime weather here in New England and I spent a lot of it inside sleeping/being mad depressed.  I don't think I've ever felt more hopeless.  Luckily I had the meds changed and things are going a lot better now!  My anxiety, although still around, has been a million times better and I am able to manage the overwhelming thoughts in a much more rational way than I had before.  Needless to say I'm feeling pretty good and looking forward to feeling even better.

view of the beach in my town...this is what i live for

Through all this I managed to never miss a beat with my workouts and cardio and have been consistently losing pounds each week and gaining more muscle definition....feels mad good to be back on the right track again!!  I thought it would be real rough getting back into it all, and it has to an extent, but its been easy once I got into the routine for a while.  I just love the challenge of trying new workouts and different exercises.  Also with the prime weather I've started to spend more time running outdoors and enjoying the fresh air.  Living in the middle of horse country there's never a shortage of trails throughs hundreds acres of fields and woods, and I'm really big on being outdoors and enjoying nature so I feel this has helped a lot in getting me back to a healthily balanced mental and emotional state.  Also been working on some lax skills, haven't been working with an actual coach yet, but my personal trainers have me doing functional lacrosse workouts and I've been practicing catching/throwing/cradling in my backyard.

practicing cradling/throwing in the backyard w/ my dogs

went for a run and ended up at a practice polo match

In the past few weeks I've also been able to get together with some family and friends I haven't seen in a while and its gone well....went to a couple family get together and had a real solid time at both.  Usually I hate these things but with my decreased anxiety I'm def able to enjoy them more....also been getting mad compliments on how I'm looking and that feels great to hear.  It was rough to be at these parties without my mom there but I know in time it'll get better, its just the year of firsts which sucks but its something we have to work through cause I know my mom would want us to enjoy the get togethers and holidays.

One thing I really loove about where I live, is being on the ocean.  Any time we wanna be by the ocean theres so many beaches, restaurants, and bars directly on the water that my fam and friends can be enjoying some sick views harbor-side in a matter of less that 10 minutes.  And thats just what we've been doing.....

view from my seat at a rooftop restaurant and bar

Also went into Boston a few times.  Went in a couple weeks ago with some friends and my sister for dinner in the North End and then headed over to an old Boston favorite; The Fours.  When we left the sports bar we hit the streets and a massive thunder/lightning storm hit soaking the city with some crazy downpours.  It was pretty sick to be in the middle of it with all the intense lightening and thunder, and being soooo soaked that we just didn't give a fuck.

Bar @ The Fours in Boston

Aside from working part time for my dad's company, I've just chilled with my sister and friends.  I'm also taking classes to get my real estate license.  If theres one thing I know I will be sick at in life it is running a top real estate firm and enjoying the hell out of working my way to the top.  My family has some connections in real estate in Boston, NYC, and Chicago....I might take advantage of those, but on the other end of it, I think it would be more gratifying to work my way up instead of relying on others.  But who knows, I might change my mind with that one haha.  It just feels good to be doing things, to finally feel like I have some more direction in the my life.  I'm really trying to not look too far into the future and just focus on the here and now, not the what ifs.  Its hard, but now that I'm on new meds, a lot easier to manage.  

Take it easy dudes.