My life is still at a crossroads. I've had the luxury of being able to do as I please and unfortunately very few of my "activities" had any sort of substance to them. At the onset of the summer, a great aunt on my mother's side of the family. She never had children and my mom was like a daughter to her (since her own mother was narcissistic and void of emotion). My grandmother basically spent her time traveling the world with my grandfather, while my mother sat at home as a child wondering when her "mommy and daddy would be home". That's a rant for another day. This woman meant the world to my mom. She gave my mom her nickname that everyone has called her since she was 6 years old.
In good news, I also attended two weddings. The first was a high school friend. The second was the daughter of family friends. Not particularly close to either of the couples and not entirely sure why I was invited to first one, however, I went to be "polite" as my dad would say. The second wedding was very sexually charged for me and unfortunately the dude I spent a lot of time with that weekend was......get ready for it......myself. I know, a huge let down, right?
At this particular event their were a number of bros that fit my type and a few that definitely did not. One of the bride's cousins was smiling at me throughout the night, and not just a friendly smile, I got the distinct impression that he was checking me out. He was slightly taller than myself. Blond hair. A full, but not unkempt beard, close to the face. Just plain sexy. Neither of us made a move though. I really want to get over this shyness and lack of confidence. These pitfalls of mine are not present to the outside world and I have been told multiple times that I "project a natural confidence". HA. Riiight. Although I will say confidence levels have def gone way up in the past few months. Moving on....at the end of the night nearly everyone that was left stripped down, jumped into the quarry bare-assed and drunk. Saw the groom's ass and enjoyed every minute of him being two feet away from my face. Think he could also be into dudes. Apparently he and the bride have had a "rocky" relationship and he went missing during the reception only to be found drunk with a dude or two. Nothing more was said.
More good news, I am making great strides with my health/fitness goals. My nutrition is on-point and I've gotta say I really enjoy eating and living healthy again:
- I eat a lot of veggies, salads, lean white meat and fish.
- I drink juiced greens and fruit every day; kale, spinach, parsley, celery, green apple, lemon, ginger, and pineapple.
- One 16oz bottle of water for every hour I am away (usually 12-15).
- I work out with my trainers five days a week and do cardio (usually running) three to five days a week, three to five miles each time.
- Priority was to get lean with 8% body fat. Single digits were important to me for no particular reason other than to challenge myself. Ended up surpassing that goal and brought my BF down to 7.48%!! Super pleased with that number.
- Focusing on building up strength/muscle.
- Still want to know my way around a field better and I will be focusing on working through what gives me the on-field anxiety that caused me to leave team sports behind when I was younger.
I keep this routine for five days out of the week, my weekend consists of active resting. On the weekends I allow myself more red meat and pretty much whatever I want without going overboard.
Other than the above, my summer has been fairly uneventful; relaxed on the beach, had a few other family events, worked in the family business quite a bit, and spent some quality time in Maine with my dad. One thing of real importance that I did, along with my family, was participate in the Boston Marathon Jimmy Fund Walk. This was our fourth year walking, second year without my mom. In general, aside from the walk, everyone says that the first year is the hardest year in getting over the death of a close loved one. However, I find that the second year is much more difficult. The first year is spent trying to get through the holidays and significant dates. The second year life is returning to a normalized state and it really starts to set in that this person is just no longer there. It is a weird feeling. Very surreal. I always look forward to the Jimmy Fund Walk because it reminds me to always be grateful for the basics in life, good health, family, friends, and so much more that many take for granted on an everyday basis. Here's some pictures from the walk:
Me helping some ladies out, taking a pic of their team.
Hitting the Finish Line
I am, however, still trying to wrap my head around how much life has changed in the past few years. It's all still so surreal. I'm trying to shake the feeling. I'm not really sure where I'm supposed to go and who I am supposed to be from this point on. I am breaking down barriers that have kept me from living my life in the past but, now that the "present" is right at my feet it doesn't feel quite like I thought it would. I know what my next steps are going to be, I'm just unsure of how to take the first one. I suppose I just have to take it and have faith. Here are a few shots from Maine:
A stop in Boothbay Harbor
Lunch at The Lobster Shack in Cape Elizabeth
Also, some of you may have already seen this but I wanted to post anyway....The song is called "All American Boy" by Steve Grand, an openly gay singer/songwriter
Alright, thats all for now dudes. I want to be posting more, so bear with me!