Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Rant on Gay Myths...

This is really only about one myth or theory; that a gay son does not get along well with his father and has a closer relationship with his mother.  And if one gets deeper into this theory they will find so-called "evidence" that it is because of the lack of father/son bonding that the son is gay. I've always found this interesting and most definitely false, at least pertaining to my life and the relationships I had with both of my parents growing up.  When I was a kid I was always closer to my dad and to this day that is still very true.  All throughout my early teens, high school, and into college I had a much closer bond with my dad.

It's not that I didn't have a good relationship with my mom, we just didn't see eye to eye on many things and I had anger issues that she couldn't handle.  Our mother/gay-son relationship definitely wasn't what our modern-day culture has made it up to be in movies, books, and articles. Things were great when my sister and I were kids but then as we moved through early adolescence my sister became very close to our mother and I became increasingly distant.  Since birth I've been close with my father.  He always tells the story of how he was the only one who could get me to fall asleep as a baby.  As a kid my dad and I did many things together; going to the beach, practicing for little league and soccer, hiking, going for drives at Christmastime to look at the lights, etc...  there are so many more but those are honestly my best and favorite times with my dad.

Most importantly, he has taught me how to be the man that I am becoming and to be the kind of human being that we should all strive to be; accepting, kind, respectful, honest, trustworthy, dedicated, loyal, you get the point.  Basically just to be a good person, treat others well, and make the most of the time we've got here on earth.  I'm not claiming to be the perfect example of any of these qualities.  I try to be.  My dad, however, is pretty damn close to having it down pat.

I take issue with stereotyping or generalizing.  Mainly because no one (or at least very few) fit into the nice little square boxes our society has built for us.  There are straight men that are momma's boys and there a gay men that are their father's son.  Are there situations where a father and son don't get along because the son is gay?  I'm sure there are many....I am just sick of hearing all these "reasons" that might contribute to what makes a person homosexual.  How about...now this is a big one....wait for it.....WE JUST ARE!  Just like our heterosexual brothers and sisters are they way they are, so to are we.  Now everyone may not share this opinion but, to me, it makes sense.  All of this goes far beyond this one topic; it moves into the interests we have as men and women and what they say about our masculinity and femininity.  I have known masculine men that have interests that would be labeled as 'gay' or 'feminine' and feminine women that have interests that are known to be typically 'masculine' but, that is post for another day.

For now, what do you dudes think?  How are your relationships with your dads?  Thoughts on stereotyping and generalizing?

PS.  If anyone who reads this blog happened to catch Boston VS Toronto on Monday night, please feel free to comment on the radtacular awesomness of the final minutes of the third period of Game 7.  Boston Strong.


  1. I pretty much agree bro.

    It varies more than people like to make it seem. It's actually common sense, some dudes, irrelevant of whether they're straight or gay, or anything in between, will be closer to their mothers, and some will be closer to their fathers. Some maybe hate both hah.

    It prob really depends on the person, and people make it seem as if it is one way or another because its a lot easier to make everything "fit the narrative". Our society really likes things to be black and white, neatly categorized, and any deviancy from what is seen as 'normal' isn't well received.

    I might be going out on a limb here, but I will assume that the gay guys who do have that stereotypical better relationship with their mothers, and less so with their fathers, are probably gay guys who are more effeminate, and I'd say this is not because they are gay per se, but because they are more feminine, hence have more interests in common with their mothers maybe?

    I have a great relationship with both my mother and father, and I'd say I'm more of a "momma's boy", but I'm close with my father as well. I just have a different relationship with both I guess, and they're not really comparable.

    Personally, I think that whole "gay sons + fathers = bad mix" stems from the outdated view that:
    a/ masculinity = heterosexuality
    b/ that gay men are women in male bodies

    And we all know both are false.


  2. ? Really? I always thought that guys in general are closer to their moms, and girls are closer to their dads. Hence mommas boy and daddy's girl. I don't necessarily think it's a gay thing...

  3. I agree with the other comments that there is no predictability in the relationship of a gay son with each parent. In my case, I had many more common interests with my mother than with my father. However , it wasn't because of the usual stereotypes. My father hated sports or exercise of any kind. It killed me that he wouldn't support my sports activities and i only remember him hitting a baseball with me once. Yet that one time he hit the ball so far that i begged him to practice more with me, but it never happened again. He did not relate in any way to my career in business and even occasionally apologized to his "academic" friends that I wasn't an intellectual. On the other hand, I wasn't close to my mother because, while she and I liked many of the same things, she was a very difficult person. So yes, if I looked to anyone for support, it was my father and there was nothing gay about him. But, in reality neither one of them was any kind of role model for me or my gay psyche.

  4. Interesting entry. I do happen to fit the mold of being closer to my mom and not as close to my dad. My dad's a nice person and everything and we get along fine, he's just rather uncommunicative and we don't really have much in common.

    I've actually been thinking of the whole "overbearing mother and distant father stereotype" lately. Even if it does hold true in many cases with gay guys, it doesn't necessarily mean that this dynamic caused them to be gay. Maybe the cause and effect is the other way around. Maybe some gay guys have trouble relating to their fathers BECAUSE they are gay, and hence growing closer to their moms? I dunno.

    1. i highly doubt that there is anything that causes people to be gay. if i look at my infant photos, it was pretty obvious that i was gay already HAHA, i was posing like a mofucken beauty pageant

  5. I'm close with both my mom and dad and I share a lot of interests with both of them, but in a different way. I'm certainly not a typical momma's boy, because my mom just isn't your typical 'mom-figure'. My dad's the caring one, easier to talk to, more forgiving and, well maybe I'll call it 'softer'. Not that he's a total softie (he's a real man without a doubt), but he doesn't jugde that often, is more supportive to us. My mom is a harder person, although her intentions are really good. But she'll never moderate her opinions which leads to endless discussions, she's competitive, and she has high standards for what she expects from people. That doesn't prevent us having a good relationship, I even would say very good, you just have to know how to handle her (and I know what made her so hard wich helps too - her dad killed himself when she was young leaving a family of 6 children etcetc.). Because when I compare my relationship with my parents to the ones my friends have, I'm really happy I've lots in common with them, they're totally not old-fashioned, the generation-gap is unexisting, and there's a lot of activities we like to do together like hiking or making a trip.
    I've read before abouy this theory that strong mothers make their son become gay, but to me that' complete bullshit. I've three brothers and as far as I now they're all straight...