What's up everybody? Hope all you guys have been enjoying the summer and taking the time for some good r&r.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I am going to live my life. I've always wanted a wife and a house full of kids - four or five. I tell myself that I can have a husband and all those kids, but something about it seems, well, unnatural to me. I grew up with two great parents, a mother and a father and I wouldn't have had it any other way.... I know if it had been another way I wouldn't know the difference. I feel like it could be unfair for kids to grow up without a mom and dad, I feel like it would be unfair for me not to have part in the happiness of two people making a child with both their genes. I know I'm probably gonna get shit for these thoughts.
I'm considering, as one of my options, marrying a woman and living the life I've always wanted. No I wouldn't marry a straight woman who has no idea and then it turns to shit years later. I've heard of lesbians and gay men getting married to live what appears to be a normal straight life. They develop real feelings for each other (love, most likely platonic), have kids, and have an open marriage. Open marriages between straight, bisexual, and gay couples is nothing new or unheard of. In my area I know of several married couples that are involved in wife-swaping, some were in my own family. Except I'd want to be more discreet then they have haha. For obvious reasons I wouldn't want my secret to get out and ruin my life. Which leads me to my next thought...
Is living a life like that really worth it? I mean, there's the constant worry of people finding out, of either me or the woman I were to marry developing real feelings for the people we'd be sleeping with, and wanting out of the marriage. It seems like a lot to worry about instead of just living a life true to who I am.
But, if I marry a man and have kids with him (through surrogacy) theres the contestant worry about is it right to raise kids without parents of both sexes. It may be right for some people, but it may not be right for me. Theres the worry of people saying things about how the kids deserve both a mother and father, the worry of bullying in school, and how the kids will deal mentally/emotionally seeing other kids grow up with both a mom and a dad. I guess my husband and I could hire a kick ass nanny like my sister and I grew up with, we actually had two, and some of out best memories as kids were with them. She would help raise the kids as a mother figure and give the guidance needed by kids from a woman.
I have to say, I like the second option best. It allows me to own my life, to live it without living a lie. I still don't have the answer though, its scary as fuck for me to think about my life. Its crazy how easy straight people have it, not having to think about stuff like this. I'm not saying every straight couple has it perfect, far from it, but if I were straight, I would know exactly how my life would be. But I'm not, so I have options to think about and decisions to make.
I'd like to add that I do know gay parents and lesbian parents raise great kids and a 100% just as capable as straight couples, if not more so, because we have to really want kids and go through a lot to get them. This post is just about me and my life, no one else's.
Well dudes, don't be afraid to tell me how you really feel. Your opinions matter and I'm lookin forward to reading them!
Keep it real everybody (ironic considering the post hah)