Iceland and Back

Iceland turned into a nightmare for my family.  We actually had to secretly leave in the middle of the night, three days into the trip, to get away from my dad's sister and her family.

I won't go into a lot of detail.  I would be sitting here for hours.  Basically we've always had some issues with my dad's sister, some my dad kept from my sister and I to protect us.  But we became close enough that I felt I could trust her with my biggest secret, that I'm gay.  Turns out she had us all fooled and is really a two-faced, lying, opportunistic cunt.  Yep dudes I said it, and I said it to her face friday night when she was emotionally and mentally torturing my family for hours.

A fight broke out when my dad's sister started texting him privately from her bathroom so her daughter and husband wouldn't know.  My dad went to their house and confronted her.  He left and we locked ourselves in our house.  She stormed over, my dad opened the door to tell her to leave and she forced her way in....

She told us exactly what she thought of us individually as people, as a family, my parent's marriage, and what she thought of my dead mother all these years.  She was calling her a fucking bitch, saying she wasn't a good wife or mother (creating lies) and basically desecrating a woman who wasn't there to defend herself.  My father (who is vehemently against violence towards women) slapped her across the face when she started to tear apart my mom and our memory of her.  The slap was %150 warranted and she slapped him twice back to get even.  This woman has a severe mental illness.  Different things that didn't make sense throughout the years all came together that night to bring us to this conclusion.  She was going between being eerily calm, then psychotic, then calm, then psychotic.

We said nothing during this huge fight that attacked her family or her except for saying things like "you fucking cunt", "get the fuck out you bitch", and "you're fucking crazy".  I did bring her and her husband's abusive marriage up and that was only after she threatened to out me.  However, everything she was saying was calculated.  Almost like she had everything bullet pointed in a notebook.  She was bringing things that pissed her off from 25+ years ago, including being angry about my dad getting married.  See dudes, NO ONE can be closer to my dad than her, not my mom, not me, not my sister.  That night we found out that she caused a major rift between us and our grandmother.  She was making up lies about my parent's marriage that my sister and I know weren't true.  She was making up other stuff that spewing out these stories like that were truth.  Scary thing is, they were her truth, but they were all lies.

Aside from ripping apart my mom, the next worst thing she did was threaten to out me to our family.  I let her in to the most vulnerable part of my life and trusted her and she threatened to use it against me.  I felt violated, we all did.  We felt and still feel like we were mentally and emotionally tortured and raped by this woman.  The only reason we didn't call the police on her was because my father slapped her and I knew she would play victim the minute they arrived.  We were finally able to get her out of our house at 3:30AM, the fight started at 11:30PM.

We sat in darkness packing everything we had.  We drove our car, lights off, down the driveway so she wouldn't see us (she was in the house next to ours).  We packed everything into the car, went back into the house and tried to find a hotel in Reykjavik.  Everything was booked except for one hotel that was like a Motel 6.  We left the house and went to the hotel at around 5AM, it was bright white in the room, felt like a sterile hospital room or a bunker.  We were able to get a few hours of sleep until leaving there at 11AM and heading to the airport.  When we got the airport we were able to book the last four seats on the only flight leaving that day.  They were all in the same row, like they were meant for us.

Needless to say we will never speak to her again.  We are done forever with her and her asshole of a husband.  Her son is like an older brother to me and her daughter, like a younger sister.  I'm not sure if I will ever see them again.  And for all I know she could have outed me to them.  If thats the case, then I've been robbed of something that none of us deserve to have taken from us; the experience of telling those we care about the most.

They say that there are two sides to every story and the truth.  Literally, in this case, there is her side of the story and ours: the truth.  She was like an uncaged animal that we couldn't get a hold of.  No lie, aside from the throw up, it was like a seen out of The Exorcist.  We were dealing with levels of insanity that we have never seen before in our lives.  My sister's boyfriend was in shock.  We felt like it was a dream, that something like this couldn't have actually happened to us.  But it did and even though it was so traumatic for us, we feel angry, sad, violated, happy, and free.  Like a weight has been lifted in our lives.  Especially after my father told us things about her that he had been trying to protect us from in the past.

We are just grateful to be back in our house in the states, safe and happy, with family around us that cares.

Hope all you guys are doing well.

Soundtrack.

Birthday and Iceland

Yoo guys, how's it going?

I'm leaving for Iceland in the AM with my family and my dad's sister's family is meeting us there later in the week.  It was my birthday this past weekend so we're gonna do a late celebration in Reykjavik, the capital, where we are staying.  This place is soo sick and should be on everyone's list.  Can't wait to be back since I had such a great time last year!  Awesome museums, restaurants, stores, and the country is insane with the lava fields, active volcanos, waterfalls, geysers, and black sand beaches.  I'll do a post with pics and hopefully a few good stories when I get back!

Here's one of my favorite songs by the Icelandic band Sigur Rós.  The song is Hoppípolla and I'm pretty sure its about the innocence of childhood and the happiness that comes from staying young at heart forever.  But there's also kind of a sadness to the song.  Just a few thoughts.  If you don't know this group then I definitely recommend checking them out.

Hope everything is good with all of you!

Take it easy dudes

Help a bro out....

Alright guys, I'm having some trouble coming up with things to blog about.  My life has been a little uninteresting as of late and I really don't want to write about the current politics in the US haha (unless that's what you want to read about)....Soo I figured I would ask anyone who follows this blog, publicly or not, to leave comments on this post telling me what you'd like to read.

Ask me about anything (don't be shy) and it might just end up in my posts!

Thanks dudes

Fixed - Pageviews Lost

Anyone else lose all their pageviews, traffic sources, and stats?  Just signed in a while ago and they were all gone, signed out and in again, still nothing.  Really hope its just a problem with google and they'll have it fixed soon.  Lemme know if this happened to any of you guys....

Soundtrack

National Coming Out Day

Thought I would do a quick post for National Coming Out Day.  I was in Boston tonight, and driving in noticed that The Garden and bridge were lit up rainbow style haha so here are a couple pics....

Thought it was pretty cool of my city to do this.... shouldn't surprise me though, we kicked off the fight for marriage equality in the US.  Didn't come out to anyone new today, but for those of you who did,  mad props dudes!  Hope you guys had nothing but great responses.  Also thought I'd post a song that I heard on the radio recently, It's Time by Imagine Dragons.  It's about being true to who you are and just being yourself.

ALL THE ABOVE

Hey guys, how's it going?  Hope everyones well!

Today I had my weekly therapy session and realized that this past Saturday, September 22, 2012 marks 1 year since I came out to my dad.  Thats wild to me! I can't believe I've been out for a year.  I never thought I was ever going to come out to anyone. Although its been one hell of a rough year, I can honestly say that I am in a better place today then I was. I am finally beginning to see my life more clearly.  I finally feel like I am starting explore the idea of what it will be like to live my life with another man.  It feels more natural.  This past summer has been a huge transition period for me in so many ways that I can't really pin-point what, but I just feel different.  Good different.

I had my ups and downs but I am definitely gaining more confidence.  Confidence not only in the gay part of myself, but in the whole of who I am.  It feels madd fuckin good.  I wanna give a huge thanks to everyone who supports this blog, followers and those just stopping by to check it out.  Specifically I want to thank the dudes who I have kept in touch with through email - you guys are fuckin awesome and without the support, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Check out this song, I'm sure some of you have heard it, but it pretty much describes how I'm feeling about my life right now.  My taste in music has always surprised my friends and family, but I honestly like all kinds and this song is hands down one of my favorites so enjoy.

Peace dudes.

I like guys who like guys....

UPDATE:  Wrote this when I was prob too tired to post so I did some slight editing.

But what type of guy who likes guys do I like?

eyo my dudes!  So I thought I'd post about the types of guys I'm attracted to....not just guys I find hot but guys that are really my type and qualities I'd like them to have.

Type.  I'm really into guys that are kinda outdoorsy but mainly prep....more relaxed and go-with-the-flow than say, myself (I'm more or less the typical uptight prep/new englander, for lack of a better term) and I'd like for the guy I end up with to balance me out and help me loosen up a bit.  And I'm not just talking about dressing these ways, I'm talking guys who pretty much fit into the whole lifestyle.

Sense of Humor.  I really dig on dudes that have a great sense or humor (I know cliche, but it is what it is).  I have a great sense of humor, real dry and sarcastic and I'd like for the guy I'm with to be able to get it and go along with that.   I hate when people take things too literal or serious and don't take time to have some fun everyday.

Trustworthy.  The one quality I am most proud of in myself is being a damn good friend and a trustworthy one at that.  I've been fucked over in the past by friends, so trust is HUGE with me.  When I say you can trust me, I mean it, if you confide in me you can be damn sure that its not going any further than my ears.  I don't talk shit about my friends, so I except the same from others.  If you're thinking I have trust issues, you'd be correct.  I tend to trust very few and am always questioning people's intentions, no matter how good they may be.  So whoever I am with better be just like me in this regard or its not gonna work.

Good looking.  He's gotta be good looking and have a good body, no question.  I don't care if that makes me shallow, but I've been told that I'm good looking, hot, handsome, cute, etc (you get the point, not trying to brag, really I'm not)  so I expect that I will meet someone like that as well.  After all, I'm not working my ass off four days a week with two personal trainers and getting cardio in nearly every day to end up with a dude who doesn't take care of himself.  I'm really attracted to rugged good looks, facial scruff or beard but the clean cut look is great once in a while, especially if he looks like he's from Sweden (I'm also a sucker for blonds).  I'm really only attracted to white guys, but I'm def open to other ethnicities.  Not trying to sound racist, thats just always where my primary attraction has been.

Dapper Dude.  Any dude I'm with should know how to dress for any occasion.  Whether he needs to be in a dinner jacket (also known as a tuxedo), a sport coat or navy blazer, or just something casual for a cookout.  He needs to know what to where, when.  If he doesn't, I can help him out, even though I hate shopping.  I grew up in a family where there was a lot of pressure to dress properly for different things so its something that I've come to expect out of others.


Intelligent.  This one should speak for itself.  Have some common sense, have some book smarts.  Be able to keep a good conversation going.  But for God's sake don't be boring, that won't fly with me.


Athletic.  Not that I'm a huge athlete, far from it as you know from past posts.  But, I've been getting more into doing the sports oriented things that I've held myself back from in the past and I'd like a guy that I can grow my athleticism with.  I'd like a dude that could teach me a thing or two.  I'd like a dude that I could workout with.  Someone I can watch the Bruins, the Cannons, or the Pats with.  If he happens to be a Polo player then just fucking call it a done deal.  I don't know what it is but NOTHING is sexier to me than a man in Polo uniform swinging a mallet on top of a horse (one of my favorite animals).  A guy I can go hiking, sailing, or kayaking with.  Liking nature and the outdoors is definitely a good quality.

A dude.  I want the guy I'm with to be a regular dude.  A guy who, like myself, you wouldn't expect to be gay.  I think its mad sexy when two bros are together, even if its just walking down the street holding hands.  That's what seems natural to me.  I don't identify with most gay guys (obvious ones) that you see in public, its the ones that blend in with our straight brothers that I can most identify with.  He doesn't have to be some macho meathead, that is a major turnoff for me.  I like a guy that I can just chill with.  A guy I can rough-house and joke around with.  I'm not gonna go into detail on the obvious: deep voice, masc. looks, etc.  That stuff is a given.

Confident.  I've always lacked this.  However, I'm building it up and I've come pretty far from where I was, even just a few months ago.  I know how mentally and emotionally draining a lack of confidence can be so I want the dude I'm with to be a confident one.  That way we can feed off each others strength.

Globetrotter.  I love traveling.  Therefore the guy I'm attracted will hopefully like to travel, to see the world.  But not as a typical tourist, as someone who likes to submerge himself into the culture and get to know some locals.

Good Guy.  Probably the most important.  He has to be a good guy.  Someone who is genuinely nice, can hang out with my friends and family, and get along with everyone in my life.  Treats not only me, but also others with respect.

So there you have it, my list of what I find attractive in other guys, in no particular order.  I know theres no perfect guy out there, but this to me is a pretty reasonable list.

These guys played a couple on a show my mom used to watch.  The one on the left is Scott Evans, he's gay in real life and brother to Chris Evans.  I caught an episode one time and what they had in that show is what I want someday, this pic is an example of that.

Take it easy guys, and hope you enjoyed the post!