A Rant on Gay Myths...

This is really only about one myth or theory; that a gay son does not get along well with his father and has a closer relationship with his mother.  And if one gets deeper into this theory they will find so-called "evidence" that it is because of the lack of father/son bonding that the son is gay. I've always found this interesting and most definitely false, at least pertaining to my life and the relationships I had with both of my parents growing up.  When I was a kid I was always closer to my dad and to this day that is still very true.  All throughout my early teens, high school, and into college I had a much closer bond with my dad.

It's not that I didn't have a good relationship with my mom, we just didn't see eye to eye on many things and I had anger issues that she couldn't handle.  Our mother/gay-son relationship definitely wasn't what our modern-day culture has made it up to be in movies, books, and articles. Things were great when my sister and I were kids but then as we moved through early adolescence my sister became very close to our mother and I became increasingly distant.  Since birth I've been close with my father.  He always tells the story of how he was the only one who could get me to fall asleep as a baby.  As a kid my dad and I did many things together; going to the beach, practicing for little league and soccer, hiking, going for drives at Christmastime to look at the lights, etc...  there are so many more but those are honestly my best and favorite times with my dad.

Most importantly, he has taught me how to be the man that I am becoming and to be the kind of human being that we should all strive to be; accepting, kind, respectful, honest, trustworthy, dedicated, loyal, you get the point.  Basically just to be a good person, treat others well, and make the most of the time we've got here on earth.  I'm not claiming to be the perfect example of any of these qualities.  I try to be.  My dad, however, is pretty damn close to having it down pat.

I take issue with stereotyping or generalizing.  Mainly because no one (or at least very few) fit into the nice little square boxes our society has built for us.  There are straight men that are momma's boys and there a gay men that are their father's son.  Are there situations where a father and son don't get along because the son is gay?  I'm sure there are many....I am just sick of hearing all these "reasons" that might contribute to what makes a person homosexual.  How about...now this is a big one....wait for it.....WE JUST ARE!  Just like our heterosexual brothers and sisters are they way they are, so to are we.  Now everyone may not share this opinion but, to me, it makes sense.  All of this goes far beyond this one topic; it moves into the interests we have as men and women and what they say about our masculinity and femininity.  I have known masculine men that have interests that would be labeled as 'gay' or 'feminine' and feminine women that have interests that are known to be typically 'masculine' but, that is post for another day.

For now, what do you dudes think?  How are your relationships with your dads?  Thoughts on stereotyping and generalizing?

PS.  If anyone who reads this blog happened to catch Boston VS Toronto on Monday night, please feel free to comment on the radtacular awesomness of the final minutes of the third period of Game 7.  Boston Strong.

The Big Four's First

Today a milestone in major league sports occurred;  active NBA player Jason Collins came out as gay.  Read the article, it's pretty inspiring.  Proud he played for my city, even if his time here was short.

Reading his words reminds me of how much stronger I am today than I was a year ago.  That even though I haven't come out to anyone new, I get closer and closer each day.  I wish Jason the best in both his professional life and personal life.  Looking forward to seeing what's in store for his future!

Here's the background on how he decided come out.

117th Boston Marathon

Hey dudes,

I just want to take a minute to acknowledge what took place at the 117th running of Boston Marathon.  This has always been my city and I am incredibly proud of the awesome people that inhabit this equally awesome place.  We're Bostonians and we stick together.  We're loyal to one another, we stand strong and support each other through thick and thin.  We are an incredibly unique city in the sense that we are more of a tight-knit community.  This is a small city but, also a significant one.  We come from all walks of life and together we create the diversity that makes Boston so fucking great.  I had many members of my family there -- cheering on one of my cousins running the race in memory of her deceased mom.  Luckily all of them are safe and unharmed.  Pray for my city dudes, for all those that were affected by this horrific act of violence.

Soundtrack.

Jason + Tony

Jason + Tony // The Plaza Hotel wedding, NYC from Jon Armendariz |NewYorkFilmworks on Vimeo.

I stumbled upon this video the other night and meant to share it here but fell asleep.  Then I read No Hetero's post on marriage and remembered.  It's a wedding video of a couple in NYC.  The kids (especially the son), really make this video imo;  they're so happy that their family is whole.  Having come from a family in the wedding industry, I am proud to say that my parent's company has worked with same-sex couples for years, and even before my coming out, always supported gay marriage.


I was blown away by this video.

'The Power List' and Others Who Have Made A Difference

eyo dudes, how's it going?

"The Power List" gives us the most influential gay men and women according to out.com, a site I came across while researching powerful gay men and women in the world.  Here's my top list taken from the original; individuals I have great respect for based on who they are as a person, their brilliance in the world of business, and/or the impact they have made.

Also, I've included a few guys that, while not on "The Power List",  have made a huge difference, in my opinion, for a lot of those coming to terms with their own sexuality.

Peter Thiel

BY OUT.COM EDITORS

Venture Capitalist/Hedge Fund Manager, 44

It took a gay, libertarian entrepreneur to realize the nascent power of Facebook in 2004, when the PayPal cofounder became the social network’s first major investor, with a $500,000 loan that enabled Mark Zuckerberg to realize world domination. That stake is now worth $2.13 billion, allowing Thiel to pursue loftier projects, including research into life extension and his incentive scheme for would-be entrepreneurs under the age of 20: $100,000 to drop out of college and launch their own businesses.

Tim Cook

BY OUT.COM EDITORS

CEO, Apple, 51

Last year, Cook was still the man-in-waiting, assuming control of Apple, but still in the shadow of Steve Jobs. More of a manager than an oracle, Cook is now fully in charge of the world’s most valuable company -- it surpassed ExxonMobil in 2012 -- which means it’s his show to run.

Anderson Cooper

BY OUT.COM EDITORS

Journalist/News Anchor/Talk-Show Host, 44

After stints on 60 Minutes and alongside Kelly Ripa (he was rumored as a possible replacement when Regis Philbin retired), he launched his own talk show, Anderson. Guests haven’t brought in the ratings, although the show was picked up for a second season. He continues to do his respectedAnderson Cooper 360° on CNN and remains a silver-haired heartthrob to countless Middle-American housewives.

Dan Savage

BY OUT.COM EDITORS

Editor/Activist/TV Personality, 47

Savage parlayed his raunchy wit in his syndicated newspaper column to become the most popular sex expert in the country. Yes, he’s our very own gay Dr. Ruth. With “Savage Lovecast” and a new MTV show, Savage U, his brand continues to grow. Savage, who cofounded the It Gets Better Campaign to stop teen bullying, also appears as a spokesperson on many news segments.

Chuck Wolfe

BY OUT.COM EDITORS

CEO, The Victory Fund, 50

In a year that saw Victory Fund–endorsed Alex Morse, America’s youngest gay mayor, in office in Holyoke, Mass., Wolfe’s organization continued to serve an integral role in getting more LGBT officials elected to office. And, with seven openly gay politicians running for Congress this November -- including Tammy Baldwin -- 2012 is shaping up to be a pivotal year for Wolfe.

Not Included on "The Power List":

Gareth Thomas - Gay

Retired Professional Rugby Player, 38

Came out in 2009, becoming the first openly gay player in the union.  Stating: "I don't want to be known as a gay rugby player.  I am a rugby player, first and foremost, I am a man."

Frank Ocean - Bisexual

Singer/Song Writer/Producer, 25

Came out in 2012.  Read his coming out letter.

Matt Bomer - Gay

Actor, 35

Came out in 2012 by publicly thanking his husband and children, saying:  "I'd really especially like to thanks my beautiful family:  Simon, Kit, Walker, Henry.  Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is.  You will always be my proudest accomplishment."

A video of Simon Halls and Matt Bomer accepting 2012 GLSEN Inspiration Award:

Randy Phillips - Gay

Airman of United States Air Force, 23

Came out in September of 2011 after the repeal of DADT.  

The video of his coming out to his father went viral and made a big impact, giving a lot of young guys hope. "I called my dad to tell him the hardest thing that gay guys will ever have to say."

His videos not only helped me, but also countless others struggling.  I saw this right around when I came out to my own dad and re-watched it countless times.

Randy Phillips Coming Out to this Dad:

Let me know what you guys think.  If there are any people who have made a difference that you want me to know about, feel free to share!  

Power Lines / First World Problems

Yooo

We've had some strong winds here for the past few days and have been left without cable and Internet connection.  Since the house is set back in the woods, we have what are considered private telephone poles that hold power lines to my house.  Two of them fell because of the wind and cut off the cable and Internet.  We were told by the town that they are suppose to shut down our lines and cut us off from electricity but out of curtosy, they said they won't and for us to just keep away from the lines.  We now have to have the lines replaced and my dad is planning to have underground wiring done to avoid this in the future....all well and good but, we won't have cable and Internet for a week!  I know I sound lame for complaining about this but I just needed to vent....

Anyways, if I don't get back to any emails or I'm not on chat for the week, there's the reason.  And I dont want to risk being on the blog or email anywhere else....wrote this post on my cell and it was kind of a pain in the ass haha

Deep in the Closet and needs to learn English, IMHO

What's up dudes?

For all of you who follow sports (to any degree), specifically football,  I am sure you have heard about the recent anti-gay comments made by the 49ers Chris Culliver.  If you have not, here's the link to one of the many articles being written:  49ers' Chris Culliver: Openly gay player not welcome

It sounds to me like this guy is deep in the closet and needs to learn to speak English.  I am ashamed to say that I used to say similar things when I was in the closet and so do many other gay men who have not or cannot accept this part of themselves.  I am not meaning to sound like one of those gay guys who thinks anyone who is homophobic is automatically gay but, I just don't understand why else he would have so much hate towards gay men.  Unless he was possibly abused by a man, not necessarily a gay man, as a child.  That could at least be an explanation for his hate and discrimination (yes I watch Law & Order SVU).  What does everyone here think of his comments and the reasoning behind them?

As the article reads, it is crazy to me that the 49ers were the first NFL team to join the "It Gets Better" campaign just six months ago and now one of their players is spreading this kind of hate.  It's also clear, in my opinion, that his apology was solely for business purposes.  He found himself in the hot seat and I'm sure the pressure being put on him to do so was enormous.

The 49ers will play the Ravens this Sunday in the Super Bowl.  Brandon Ayanbadejo, linebacker for the Ravens is a very different man from Chris Culliver.  It turns out he is one of our greatest allies and here is an awesome article written about how he grew up and became so accepting of everyone's differences:  Standing Up at an Early Age  this guy sounds like a true champ.

Also, here's another article about former college football captain Brian Sims:  Outsports.com.  I read this one a while back and looked the dude up, he's a real stand up guy who is doing a lot for LGBT people.  Plus he's pretty hot....

Alright I know that's a lot of reading to do haha but I think it will all be worth your time, it goes beyond sports, showing us how great people can be.  I also think football should be played naked, and here is my reasoning:

Take it easy guys

Soundtrack.