For all of you who follow sports (to any degree), specifically football, I am sure you have heard about the recent anti-gay comments made by the 49ers Chris Culliver. If you have not, here's the link to one of the many articles being written: 49ers' Chris Culliver: Openly gay player not welcome
It sounds to me like this guy is deep in the closet and needs to learn to speak English. I am ashamed to say that I used to say similar things when I was in the closet and so do many other gay men who have not or cannot accept this part of themselves. I am not meaning to sound like one of those gay guys who thinks anyone who is homophobic is automatically gay but, I just don't understand why else he would have so much hate towards gay men. Unless he was possibly abused by a man, not necessarily a gay man, as a child. That could at least be an explanation for his hate and discrimination (yes I watch Law & Order SVU). What does everyone here think of his comments and the reasoning behind them?
As the article reads, it is crazy to me that the 49ers were the first NFL team to join the "It Gets Better" campaign just six months ago and now one of their players is spreading this kind of hate. It's also clear, in my opinion, that his apology was solely for business purposes. He found himself in the hot seat and I'm sure the pressure being put on him to do so was enormous.
The 49ers will play the Ravens this Sunday in the Super Bowl. Brandon Ayanbadejo, linebacker for the Ravens is a very different man from Chris Culliver. It turns out he is one of our greatest allies and here is an awesome article written about how he grew up and became so accepting of everyone's differences: Standing Up at an Early Age this guy sounds like a true champ.
Also, here's another article about former college football captain Brian Sims: Outsports.com. I read this one a while back and looked the dude up, he's a real stand up guy who is doing a lot for LGBT people. Plus he's pretty hot....
Alright I know that's a lot of reading to do haha but I think it will all be worth your time, it goes beyond sports, showing us how great people can be. I also think football should be played naked, and here is my reasoning:
A buddy of mine sent me this video a while back and I meant to throw it in a blog post but forgot. It is called the LifeCycle video put out by the Holstee Manifesto.
"The LifeCycle Film came about as a desire to bring the energy and passion behind the Manifesto to life through something we love--biking. As we seek to live mindful lifestyles that leave a positive impact on the people and world around us, biking has become a passion that is much more than a transportation alternative. It is a way of fully experiencing the city we love and all of its details.
This Film is a celebration. It is a celebration of gatherings, of diversity, of life, and of the beauty of shared experience. We hope you enjoy."
-Holstee
I really dig the last line: "Life is short. Live your dream and share your passion." Too often we are all closed off from each other, always hesitating to share with one another what our dreams and/or passions are in fear of being judged. We live in a society that promotes individuality but will judge unfairly when one expresses who they are. I am guilty of this. I grew up in an especially tight-knit and segregated part of the country, in the heart of New England. I haven't been exposed to a lot of diversity in my life. Here in [insert name of Small Town], MA USA, we tout how diverse we think our area has become. But really, its hardly changed. We only promote diversity if you're white, speak proper English, come from a good family, attend church, go to a good school, etc. You get the drift.
At this point in my life I want to break away from this town, my extended family, and what few friends I have left here. There is this expectation that we all grow up here, go away to school, marry, and come back to live and raise our families here for generations. No-fucking-way dudes. Not happening. I need my space, I need to live my life the way I want to with out my extended family being on back 24/7. A lot of my cousins are already moving away so they can be who they are/want to be without being criticized. Hopefully I will soon be doing the same.
Dream: To create a life for myself that defines the man I am becoming.
2013
- This spring I will be starting my career in real estate.
- To live in Boston, this one could happen today, tomorrow, next week, next month, whenever....it's a matter of me having the balls to make the jump.
- Start taking classes in College as I am unsure of whether or not I want to enroll as a part-time or full-time student.
- Make more friends. I think I'm outgrowing some of my friends and really want to get out there and meet people who are more like-minded.
- Fuck around with another dude. Really wanna meet other gay guys that I'm attracted to and just make friends and screw around a bit. Never had any experience with a dude, this is the year.
- I am also thinking of starting a small line of ties that will be made in the USA and will hopefully start selling them through my long time tailor in Cambridge, MA.
Future
- Dating, boyfriends, marriage, kids. I had a vision the other day. It was of me after coming home from work, sitting in the kitchen with a kid in my lap and three others around the table, and my husband standing there across from me next to one of the counters. It was brief but it felt so right, so peaceful and happy. I couldn't see his face, just his demeanor. I had a great feeling for the few seconds it lasted and hope it was some kind of foreshadowing.
- More than anything I want a marriage like the one my parents had. I am not joking when I say I have never seen a couple have so much respect, love, kindness, and loyalty to one another than my parents. They were best friends and created an awesome life together, my hope is to follow in their footsteps.
Passion: Living how I want to live.
- I can't believe how different my life is from one year ago. I am at a crossroads right now and it is exciting, nerve-racking, confusing, and everything in between. The most important thing is that I am in a good place. I am finding myself and I am going to hit rough patches but I am strong enough to overcome them now. I can finally say I am at a point where I can start forging my own way in life.
So dudes, what is your dream? your passion? You can share or not, but write it down! Goals, dreams (whatever you want to call them), are more powerful when you put them into writing.
Hope everyone's had a great start to 2013
P.S. I just want to say how super-fucking-pumped I am that the Bruins are playing again!! The NHL lockout went on waaayy too long and I'm glad the B's are back and won their first two games!
P.P.S. Ray Lewis, go fuck yourself, you're a bitch. Sorry Ravens fans but, he is what he is (and we all know what that is). All that bs drama after the win on Sunday's game against the Pats was for pure show. Truth. (excuse the negativity)
Happy New Year! I wanted to post (even at this late, or should I say early, hour) to let all of my readers know how grateful I am for the support and kind words during all that I have been through over the past year. It wasn't an easy one and my family and I are happy to leave it behind. This year is going to be a very different year, in all good ways. I wish all of you a peaceful, happy, and healthy 2013.
Using snow banks in the backyard to chill the champagne bottles.
For me, 2013 is the year goals are reached and dreams are realized.
Merry Christmas to all my fellow bloggers and readers! Hope everyone had a great holiday with their families and friends.
This year was the first year without my mom, but it wasn't nearly as hard has we thought it would be, mainly because we felt her with us the whole day. Unfortunately I spent most of the day by myself, having woken up Christmas morning with the flu or some type of similar virus, I wasn't able to join my dad and sister at my aunt and uncles house down the road. It was all good though, I had a solid time resting on my couch next to a roaring fire, while watching Elf haha. To be honest I also enjoyed a good jerk off sesh. I finally had the house to myself for the first time in a few weeks so I didn't have to be careful about being loud and shit. Also, we had a white Christmas so aside from being sick it was a pretty great day for me haha.
Christmas has always been big in my house, my dad had a father who wasn't really around all that much, especially on the holidays. He made the promise that he would always give my sister and I the memories he wish he had grown up with. He has always followed through. We're more grateful than ever this year because he was able to do it all, even without my mom. We all gave each other some great gifts, some being really meaningful.
The best gift I got this year was from my sister, it's a bow tie. Not just any bow tie, it was one from actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson's (Modern Family) line of bow ties called Tie the Knot. 100% of the proceeds benefit the fight for Marriage Equality in the US. The link: http://www.tietheknot.org
She chose the green/purple plaid in the top right because
those were my mom's favorite colors, so she made it even more meaningful.
This years line is sold out (I got the second to last one) but they have another line coming out in February 2013. I think its fucking awesome that my sister did this for me, she knows I love to rock a bow tie from time to time. That she chose something that had deep meaning behind it well, made it possibly one of the best gifts I've ever been given.
Now on to cute bakery guy....no nothing happened between us, well at least nothing sexual. It was my sister's birthday and I stopped at a local bakery a couple towns over to pick up her cake. I walk in and there were a couple of good looking dudes working the kitchen which is open to the front of the store. The guy I was most attracted to immediately welcomed me in and started talking with me, asking my needs, etc. Then the owner comes out, great lady btw. We're talking and I'm making all these wise-ass comments about my sister and how high-maintence she is and I'm cracking the guy up. He's laughing at everything I say and he just keeps looking over at me, even though he was supposed to be doing other things. So I continue on being the witty guy I am and start talking directly to him and we begin what I would consider to be flirting, dunno if he saw it that way, but it sure felt like it to me. He tells me to have a great night and I head off to my sister's birthday dinner feeling confident as hell.
I go back there a few days later because I have a friend's Christmas party to go to and I need to bring dessert so I figured, what the hell, I'll go back to [insert name of bakery here]. I walk in and he's there again, he helps me out and as I'm leaving he makes a point to say "Have a great holiday, man." I didn't know if I was reading too much into it all, but when he said that to me as I was leaving it felt sincere, like he really wanted me to have a great holiday. Anyway it was a big deal for me, mainly because I've always lacked confidence, but all of a sudden as I'm standing there talking to this guy I realize this is a holy-shit-ive-never-had-this-kind-of-confidence moment. I just went with it and to be honest, felt a little empowered.
I know this is a bit late, but hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday. Mine was pretty solid, celebrated with close family. It was low-key and for sure hard without my mother being there, as well as her brother, but all in all a peaceful day. They weren't the only ones missing, though. We had dinner with my dad's cousin and her family at my house, like we always have. His cousin is like a sister to him. Both my parents were stuck with the shit end of the stick when it came to biological siblings, but they were lucky enough to find brothers and sisters in some of their cousins. This cousin, my aunt, is an unbelievable woman. She and my mom were very close. She was the only person through my moms fight with cancer that treated her totally normal. My mom really appreciated that. Her oldest daughter was also missing from Thanksgiving. She's battled addiction for years with alcohol and prescription drugs, which is very common where I live. She finally hit rock bottom last summer and my aunt and uncle made the decision to send her away for long-term treatment.
She's an awesome girl and I'm mad proud of her....she went willingly, knowing she needed to change her life. She's doing so well and even though there's still a long road ahead, we all have a feeling this time is legit. We missed her a lot, so Thanksgiving was hard all around, but we're happy because we know at least she'll be coming back. It was only our two families who had dinner together, so there were six of us in total, the smallest we've ever had. It was great though, super chill and go with the flow. No stick-up-their-ass relatives to deal with until later in the day when my mom's mother came by haha. Hope everyone had a great holiday and enjoyed being with their loved ones.
What are you guys most thankful for? I know I'm thankful just to be alive and well. That I have my sight, ability to walk and function normally (things we all normally take for granted). And that I have great people in my life, both at home and here in the blogosphere!
On a different note, I've posted some pictures from Iceland. Despite what happened on this recent trip, I still love the place. My dad and my sister fell in love....it's a beautiful country. The city of Reykjavik is one of the top ten best nightlife cities of Europe and the countryside is unbelievable with it's waterfalls, lava fields, and active volcanos. I wasn't able to get many pics from this last trip because it was cut short, but enjoy.
Sign on the door of a bar in Reykjavik. Love it.
Gulfoss Waterfall, one of the most powerful in
the world. Beats out Niagra in the US
Icelandic Horses, only found in Iceland
Cool surf cloud over farm land
My sister killin it in front of the statue at Hallgrímskirkja Church
Hotel 101 drinks in the lounge
Some architecture I liked
UNO cucina italiana.
Tried the braised oxtail....nomnomnom
A small church my father, sister's bf, and I ended up in
Hallgrímskirkja Church - most famous in Iceland. Enormous.
Views from the steeple at Hallgrímskirkja Church
Burgers are BOMB at Vegamót, one of my
favorite restaurants in RKV
Reykjavik City Hall
Great bar and restaurant
Sun Voyager Sculpture
"Sun Voyager is a dreamboat, an ode to the sun. Intrinsically, it contains within itself the promise of
undiscovered territory, a dream of hope, progress and freedom. The sculpture is located by Sæbraut, by the sea in the centre of Reykjavik, Iceland."
Iceland turned into a nightmare for my family. We actually had to secretly leave in the middle of the night, three days into the trip, to get away from my dad's sister and her family.
I won't go into a lot of detail. I would be sitting here for hours. Basically we've always had some issues with my dad's sister, some my dad kept from my sister and I to protect us. But we became close enough that I felt I could trust her with my biggest secret, that I'm gay. Turns out she had us all fooled and is really a two-faced, lying, opportunistic cunt. Yep dudes I said it, and I said it to her face friday night when she was emotionally and mentally torturing my family for hours.
A fight broke out when my dad's sister started texting him privately from her bathroom so her daughter and husband wouldn't know. My dad went to their house and confronted her. He left and we locked ourselves in our house. She stormed over, my dad opened the door to tell her to leave and she forced her way in....
She told us exactly what she thought of us individually as people, as a family, my parent's marriage, and what she thought of my dead mother all these years. She was calling her a fucking bitch, saying she wasn't a good wife or mother (creating lies) and basically desecrating a woman who wasn't there to defend herself. My father (who is vehemently against violence towards women) slapped her across the face when she started to tear apart my mom and our memory of her. The slap was %150 warranted and she slapped him twice back to get even. This woman has a severe mental illness. Different things that didn't make sense throughout the years all came together that night to bring us to this conclusion. She was going between being eerily calm, then psychotic, then calm, then psychotic.
We said nothing during this huge fight that attacked her family or her except for saying things like "you fucking cunt", "get the fuck out you bitch", and "you're fucking crazy". I did bring her and her husband's abusive marriage up and that was only after she threatened to out me. However, everything she was saying was calculated. Almost like she had everything bullet pointed in a notebook. She was bringing things that pissed her off from 25+ years ago, including being angry about my dad getting married. See dudes, NO ONE can be closer to my dad than her, not my mom, not me, not my sister. That night we found out that she caused a major rift between us and our grandmother. She was making up lies about my parent's marriage that my sister and I know weren't true. She was making up other stuff that spewing out these stories like that were truth. Scary thing is, they were her truth, but they were all lies.
Aside from ripping apart my mom, the next worst thing she did was threaten to out me to our family. I let her in to the most vulnerable part of my life and trusted her and she threatened to use it against me. I felt violated, we all did. We felt and still feel like we were mentally and emotionally tortured and raped by this woman. The only reason we didn't call the police on her was because my father slapped her and I knew she would play victim the minute they arrived. We were finally able to get her out of our house at 3:30AM, the fight started at 11:30PM.
We sat in darkness packing everything we had. We drove our car, lights off, down the driveway so she wouldn't see us (she was in the house next to ours). We packed everything into the car, went back into the house and tried to find a hotel in Reykjavik. Everything was booked except for one hotel that was like a Motel 6. We left the house and went to the hotel at around 5AM, it was bright white in the room, felt like a sterile hospital room or a bunker. We were able to get a few hours of sleep until leaving there at 11AM and heading to the airport. When we got the airport we were able to book the last four seats on the only flight leaving that day. They were all in the same row, like they were meant for us.
Needless to say we will never speak to her again. We are done forever with her and her asshole of a husband. Her son is like an older brother to me and her daughter, like a younger sister. I'm not sure if I will ever see them again. And for all I know she could have outed me to them. If thats the case, then I've been robbed of something that none of us deserve to have taken from us; the experience of telling those we care about the most.
They say that there are two sides to every story and the truth. Literally, in this case, there is her side of the story and ours: the truth. She was like an uncaged animal that we couldn't get a hold of. No lie, aside from the throw up, it was like a seen out of The Exorcist. We were dealing with levels of insanity that we have never seen before in our lives. My sister's boyfriend was in shock. We felt like it was a dream, that something like this couldn't have actually happened to us. But it did and even though it was so traumatic for us, we feel angry, sad, violated, happy, and free. Like a weight has been lifted in our lives. Especially after my father told us things about her that he had been trying to protect us from in the past.
We are just grateful to be back in our house in the states, safe and happy, with family around us that cares.
I'm leaving for Iceland in the AM with my family and my dad's sister's family is meeting us there later in the week. It was my birthday this past weekend so we're gonna do a late celebration in Reykjavik, the capital, where we are staying. This place is soo sick and should be on everyone's list. Can't wait to be back since I had such a great time last year! Awesome museums, restaurants, stores, and the country is insane with the lava fields, active volcanos, waterfalls, geysers, and black sand beaches. I'll do a post with pics and hopefully a few good stories when I get back!
Here's one of my favorite songs by the Icelandic band Sigur Rós. The song is Hoppípolla and I'm pretty sure its about the innocence of childhood and the happiness that comes from staying young at heart forever. But there's also kind of a sadness to the song. Just a few thoughts. If you don't know this group then I definitely recommend checking them out.
